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4 entries this month
04:14 Jul 30 2010
Times Read: 868
Remember that when you try and help an asshole out all you are going to get is Shit in return!!!
14:42 Jul 25 2010
Times Read: 897
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
A glimmer of hope.....21:09 Jul 22 2010
Times Read: 914
Custody battles are not fun for either parties and especially not the kids involved. Having my son in NY and me in TN has been very hard for me, even though I talk to my son all the time. I knew that I would be coming down here with out him at first so that I could get residency here first. I have been down here for 7 months now and the last couple of months I have been trying to get things in order.
Finally today I was able to talk to an advocate for a firm that handles custody cases. After talking to the person for a little while and explaining the situation and my situation, they stated that they would indeed be able to help and I would fall under the hardship clause, because I am on disability and there for I will not have to travel back and forth from Tn to NY for the court appearances. I was adviced that it would be done telephonically. I have to come up with the down payment which is going to make this difficult, but this is something that has to be done. I need to have my son with me. I don't feel that he is being very well taken care of at this time and I feel that he is being placed in situations that he should not be in. So the sooner I have him with me the better I will feel. I have been very depressed for the last few weeks and it just seems to be getting worse all I ever want to do is sleep, butthat also has a lot do do with the fact that I have been having Fibro and RA flares ups on a almost daily basis and it can very painful. Not to mention energy draining. My meds got screwed up because the drs office had my information all screwed up and now finally I will be back on the meds I need to be on, so that i am not in so much pain.
Daddy Long Legs have taken over our house lol12:32 Jul 02 2010
Times Read: 953
Now I really don;t like spiders they creep me out, but Daddy long legs have never really bothered me until..... today. I went out to take the dog out and water the plants and my rose bushs like I do every morning, and as I am walking out the door I see there are easily a few dozen of them crawling around and then I turn to close the door and the wall was covered with them.. So I go out to water my tomatos, and they are like 5-8 on each plant and then i go to water my rose garden and as I am watering the ground look like it was moving because there were so many of them. And they were all the typical looking daddy long legs, except some had black bodies some had a pinkish body and others were tan..
Really really creeped me out.
Only thing I can think of is maybe the bag of mulch I bought was filled with spider eggs and they all just hatched in the last day or so. Man if that is the case I am never buying mulch from walmart ever again.
Yes I now daddy long legs are good at killing others bugs and stuff, but seeing them by the hundreds will make anyone a bit squeemish.
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COMMENTS
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Bijou
05:51 Jul 30 2010
~snicker snort~
MDLIVE13
05:59 Jul 30 2010
*HUGS*
PhoenicianDream
08:15 Jul 30 2010
yah, but if you're part monkey you can fling that poo right back at them! ;)